Please, take my money 

By Chris Gulker 

Web commerce is what's needed to really get the Internet going, I'm told. 

And this could even save me time and money, I'm told. 

I can use the Web to conveniently buy things that would be inconvenient or difficult to buy elsewhere, in
another manner.

So, when I wanted some historical material recently, I tried to do my bit to make a Web content
provider successful.

Really, I did.

I wanted an old story from a newspaper in another town - accessing their Web-based archive sure beat
flying there and dealing with some crusty public-service representative.

In the Web-based archive, they let you see the headline and the first few words of the story for free. 

Retrieving the story is another matter. You have to pay $1.50 per article, which, considering the
alternative, is not so bad.

Getting them to take the money was another matter, however.

When I clicked "retrieve", the site first dropped me into a page that said I've asked for a page that's only
available to registered members.

Clicking "register' sent me through three pages that asked a lot of very personal questions.

Aside from the usual name and address, they wanted to know my sex, whether or not I had children,
how much money I make, where I live, how I access the Internet and more. When I didn't fill
everything out, I was sent back to start over. 

These folks are obviously very serious: they won't take $1.50 from just anybody!

Finally, after three pages of questions and one scolding for not filling out everything in the "required"
fields, I was given an opportunity to retrieve the story.

I clicked "retrieve". It responded "No access to archive. Account "gulker" is frozen". It also said that
either my credit card was no good, or I hadn't offered one. 

I thought it was presumptuous for them to assume my credit was no good (even if it's too frequently
true). The crusty librarian was beginning to look pretty good.

I fumed, I pondered. I looked over the many options and varied typography the page offered. Finally I
found a link that offered to take my credit card information.

The browser warned me that the page I was about to enter was secure. Why would it do that, I
wondered... it would only bother me if it were INsecure.

I filled out another much less personal form - just the barest information that would allow them to
charge my credit card.

I clicked submit. There was a long wait. A page appeared "The page you have requested does not exist
on this server".

I backed up to the credit card form and submitted it again - same result.

There was an email address and a "help" link. I tried the help link. It told me to do everything I had
done up to this point, in exactly the order and fashion I had done it. Big help.

I tried the email.

I sent a message with the subject "Please take my money" and recounted my woes and sent it off. That
felt better. 

Or I guess I felt better. I still wanted to read the whole story whose headline and first 20 words I'd
previously glimpsed. 30 minutes had passed since I'd started this adventure.

To make a long story shorter, I clicked, submitted, backed-up, re-submitted, cleared, reset, re-entered
and then did it all over again, and probably not in the same order. I read the help file, the FAQ, the
terms of usage, the search help and the small print on all the pages.

By now, I was hopelessly lost deep in the innards of a hostile Web site. My vision grew blurry as I tried
to read yet another line of 6-point hyper text. My heart pounded as I waited for yet another error page
to download, complete with its 16 graphics.

And then, as if by a miracle, the Net gods smiled. My article appeared. One hour later, and who knows
how many charges to my credit card, my article appeared!

The computer chimed. I had email. From the site, itself.

It read: 

"Thanks for writing to... [our] Web team.

We're very excited about the volume of mail we've received--so excited, we may not be able to answer
your e-mail personally.

However, we're very interested in your comments... If you have a problem or a question, you can
always try our help section... or our FAQ...

Thanks again for your message, and visit us again soon!

The Worker Bees"

The world may be ready for Web commerce: I most assuredly am not.